Q. I am completely totally in love with my best friend's boyfriend. He knows I'm alive-we talk a lot and joke around-but he's totally in love with her. What should I do?

A. The question is not what you should do, but why you have chosen to like a guy who is unavailable. Some girls think that love "just happens" -and if it's with the wrong guy, they can't help it. But the reality is that whether it's conscious or unconscious, we do choose and have control over which guys we fall for and pursue. When we select a guy who is available, we are willing to risk possible heartache for the sake of love. If we're emotionally healthy and the risk doesn't pay off, we know we can always pick ourselves up after the pain and find someone better. 
However, if you choose a guy who's unavailable because he's with someone else, the risks are obviously far greater-you risk hurting yourself, your friend and the guy. So why go there in the first place? Perhaps you envy your friend because she's attached to someone nice, and you have a crush on him because you long for someone special too. Clearly, that's a poor choice. 
Another possible reason is you're so afraid of getting hurt, you select someone unavailable because he'll probably never get the opportunity to hurt you. By choosing someone who cannot be yours, you mask your fear by telling yourself, "Hey, I'm capable of loving-I 'just happened' to go for the guy who's in love with my friend." 
A third reason girls choose guys they're unlikely to get is because they're really not ready for a boyfriend. Say you picked someone as unattainable as a rock star-you'd still have the luxury of fantasizing about someone, and that in itself feels good. Focusing on a friend's guy is a little closer to home: If he breaks up with her, he's more likely than the suddenly single Brad Pitt to go for you. 
The final and saddest reason a girl might choose a guy who's with someone else is to prove her power. Lacking self-esteem, this girl will try to entice a boy to dump another girl for her. This is an uncool situation-the girl will inevitably lose her friend, and how much trust could be involved between her and the guy? Not much. Especially since a guy who's quick to leave someone for you will undoubtedly leave you for someone else in time. Is that the kind of guy you want? Besides, what goes around comes around: Stealing a guy away from your best friend may come back to haunt you when your next best friend steals a guy away from you. 
So in answer to your question, my advice is to "do" nothing about your crush. Keep your friendship with both of them, pursue a guy you can have something real with and, most importantly, remind yourself you're good enough to get the whole cake, not someone else's crumbs.

THIS WEEK ON THE SPORAH SHOW: We Are Going Hard On The Topics Every Tuesday

HELLO and welcome to The Sporah Show

Meet the GIRLS "The Sporah Show"

Join Sporah, Eleka and Esther.. ON AN ALL NEW EPISODE 2019  & CALL US LIVE.

We are going hard on the topics EVERY TUESDAY.. So be sure to call in from 2pm to 3pm GMT. And Tune in on SKY Channel 175 or by visiting the LIVE stream on http://www.bentelevision.com

With the me too movement making waves in hollywood and politics, it is no surprise that the walls would be closing in on repeated sexual offender R Kelly. In an all new 5 episode LIFETIME TV documentary called 'Surviving R Kelly" which features several of the survivors as they provide detailed descriptions of the horrors they had to endure whilst with the singer. The question that this documentary has shed a light on is, how on earth has he managed to get away with it, all these years, and is race a major factor in the issue, where if it was young underage white girls, would he still be free to roam the streets and continue to abuse and manipulate young women as he is still doing today? What are your thoughts? Post your comments below and a select few will be chosen and read LIVE on air, in an all new episode of The Sporah Show.

Unfortunately in the black community we have many R Kelly's. But putting shame on the family is always put first than the victims pain. The families choose silence.

Why is there such a divide in the black community based on skin tone? During the days of slavery, if you were black, no matter your shade, you would still be a slave and called a N****r and still be beaten half to death if you as little as spoke when not spoken to. So why are we doing to ourselves, what was done to us? Why are black women of lighter complexions considered more appealing to the media and to black men? What are your thoughts? Send your comments below and a select few will be chosen and read LIVE on air, in an all new episode of The Sporah Show.

We are going hard on the topics EVERY TUESDAY.. So be sure to call in from 2pm to 3pm GMT. And Tune in on SKY Channel 175 or by visiting the LIVE stream on http://www.bentelevision.com

............. And its a wrap
You can watch The Show LIVE Online as on TV at www.bentelevision.com


Merry Christmass from us.

What an amazing Christmas Launch with the girls today!

So today we talked about the Royal Family, What a show we had today! Did you catch Esther Tunii shade today? Or was she just being honest? 
She thinks that perhaps Meghan Markle might a more sophisticated gold digger. What do you guys? 
Tune in next week to hear her speak the truth, spill the tea and laugh out loud (as usual)

So Elaka thinks that Prince Harry chose Meghan Markle right off of the TV screen to become his wife to be. Do you think this might be an ongoing trend within the world of celebrities?They see who they want, and simply get their people to ensure it happens?
If you missed this episode, be sure to catch the repeat on Sunday at 7pm GMT, SKY Channel 175, or online streaming at www.bentelevision.com
Tune in every week for more hard hitting topics, laughter, and interviews.

From the incredibly chatty Ethel to laugh-out-loud Esther. You can't miss this! NEXT week 2pm on SKY 175. We'll be discussing everything from Love and money to celebs and all the untouchable (and a little naughty) subjects.

What a beautiful day.

Sporah is like hey, why are you ladies so cute....?

Ms Sporah Njau: Thank you SO much to all our lovely viewers for watching #TheSporahShow today!  And to those who took the time to call us during the show, THANK YOU. ‪ 

Please, send us your topic suggestions, and make sure to call us and give us your questions and feedback.

Together we're strong
 We'll be back in January with new topics, tea spilling a whole load of laughs πŸ˜‰
See you then!


Say hello to my ladies in red - my new co hosts of The Sporah Show, Esther & Ethel. Starting from NEXT week Tuesday you'll see these two beautiful ladies hosting alongside me on The Sporah Show, adding some spice to our Gossip segment! And trust me these two looove to gossip and spill the teaπŸ˜‚. From the incredibly chatty Ethel to laugh-out-loud Esther. You can't miss this! My girls will be representing Southern Africa and Western Africa - We'll be discussing everything from Love and money to celebs and all the untouchable (and a little naughty) subjects.
So send us your topics, guys and we'll cover it TUESDAY on the one and only Sporah Show! Remember you can watch us LIVE and call in from wherever you are to be part of the show. Watch this space! πŸ˜‰ #TheSporahShow Esther Tunii on the write. Sugar, spice and SOMETIMES nice - these are the things that conjure up yours truly. Me, Esther Tunii. Your girl is here to tell it like it is and amplify the truth. I'm unapologetic and ready to spill the tea especially when it's piping hot.What do you get when you bring a chatter box, and someone that laughs endlessly together you get my new co-hosts for the Sporah Show's gossip segment. 
Yes you read it right, starting from NEXT week Tuesday, you will see these two beautiful ladies with me as we share the latest gossip, and delve into everything pop culture, real life, politics and so much more. We will be discussing all the taboo topics, and you have an opportunity to join in as we will be broadcasting LIVE right to your TV screen and devices on SKY TV 175 and www.bentelevision.com. 
One will ne representing Southern Africa, and the other will be representing Western Africa.
So send us your topic suggestions, and make sure to call us and give us your questions and feedback. Ethel Gondwe in the middle also known as ELAKA: Is a savvy serial entrepreneur with a passion for the creative arts. She has a quirky personality and enjoys a good laugh, which can sometimes contain a hint of shade. 
Her obsession with the colour blue led her to doning blue tresses for almost two decades now, long before having blue hair became a trend; and it has since been her signature look. ELAKA considers herself an introvert, extrovert as she enjoys being in social environments, and at the same time treasures her alone time.
She holds several awards and nominations, due to the many hats she wears as an entrepreneur, including Best Event Promoter, Promoter of the year, Africa4U Outstanding Achievemt Award, Best Female Artist, and Best Online Magazine, just to name a few. As quirky as she is, with a love for sci-fi, Marvel (MCU), DC and The Sims games; Elaka leans on her faith for guidance, and it is that which she uses to try and see the best in people and situations. "I do not believe in giving up on self, and others. 
Life is not about just going from A to Z The End! It is a lot more than that, God has given each of us such amazing and unique qualities and gifts, and it is up to us to tap into them, make the most of them, and share them with the world. 
I beleive the possibilities really are endless. Sometimes being successful is not just about having a huge net worth, you need to stop and ask what your heart worth is; what does your heart feel towards others? Is it hate, envy, jealousy, love compassion, a mixture of all those and more? How you feel towards others will normally show in your actions towards them, and if at all majority of your feelings are amongst the likes of compassion and love, then that is a success in itself. 
As human beings we do have an inherent ability to feel insecure about the smallest things, and it is these feelings that fuel a lot of the carnage we see in today's world. So it is our responsibility to inspire, and speak positivity into people's lives, and help educate them into bettering themselves from the inside and out, and the buck stops with us who are in a position to do just that. 
So I say... Live Learn Love Life and let God lead." 
Don't Miss OUT
...............STAY TUNED............


Flexing for the gram with our potential mayor of London SHAUN BAILEY, What an exciting moment.

Shaun Bailey is a British politician and youth worker who is the candidate of the Conservative Party in the London mayoral election, 2020. He has been a member of the London Assembly since 2016.
Bailey has worked as a researcher for the Centre for Policy Studies. He stood in the Hammersmith constituency as a Conservative at the 2010 general election and served as the Prime Minister's special adviser on youth and crime from 2010 to 2013.

In 2018, Mr Bailey was chosen as the Tory candidate to take on Labour incumbent Sadiq Khan at the 2020 mayoral election in the capital.

Bailey beat fellow assembly member Andrew Boff and businesswoman Joy Morrissey after a vote by London Tory members. Bailey, a former special adviser to David Cameron, called the nomination “a great honour” and said he would hold Khan to account.
“For someone who grew up in a council house in one of the poorest parts of London, securing this nomination is proof that our city truly is the place where anything is possible,” he said.
“It’s why I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to repay its generosity, either through my 20-plus years of youth work helping to steer children away from a life of crime and towards work opportunities, or my current involvement on the London assembly, where I have done my best to hold the current mayor to account.”

Bailey, 47, said he would focus his campaign on violent crime and the transport budget, as well as housing. “After two and a half years of Sadiq Khan, it is clear we cannot afford more of the same,” he said.
“I look forward to meeting with Londoners in every borough and continuing the conversation about how we can do better to make sure London works for everyone.”
The Conservative party chairman, Brandon Lewis, said Bailey was “passionate about London and has the ideas London needs to continue to be the best capital city in the world”.
He added: “London is being let down by Sadiq Khan, who keeps breaking the promises he made to Londoners on crime, housing and transport. I know Shaun will hold him to account and outline his positive vision for London.”
With Oscar

............. And its a wrap

Full show coming soon on Sky 175!
 We’ll be covering everything from Crossrail issues to teen sub culture. 

 Remember you can watch us LIVE and call in from wherever you are to be part of the show at www.bentelevision.com